Flittering Glitter & A Very Hannah Week!

So...

Yes, I said so! So what! Haha.

Anyways, I apologize for my posting being so spotty. Life (isn't that the excuse we all use?) was rearranging itself on me. Stressful, but good. I'm currently moving back to Texas (humidity, I DO NOT miss you) and of course, that means...ROAD TRIP!

I love road trips. They are amazing and awesome. :) I remember one summer, Summer 2006, that me and my father ended up racking in 7,000 miles on the road. We drove all over, spending time in Ontario (Canada), Niagra Falls, New York, South Carolina, Kentucky, Tennessee, New Orleans, Biloxi (Mississippi). Lots of fun. =)

That is why I've vanished. I officially haven't had a life for the past month or so due to that. I also got my first car, got accepted to an arts school this summer (which is such an honor! I am one of 500 from around the globe) and been working on my business. Speaking of business...

I have had a very Hannah week!

"How so?" you ask? Well, I had the lovely opportunity of working with two new clients this week--both of which, are named Hannah! Hannah One was wanting shots with her costume collection she will be wearing for her ballet company's Spring 2011 production. This Spring they are doing Swan Lake. Hannah is a lovely dancer who has been dancing for many years and during the Winter 2011 season I had the pleasure of watching her ballet company's production of The Nutcracker. Here are some of my favorite shots from the shoot:







Hannah Two graduated! I ended up doing her senior photos and I have to tell you that she is a lovely young woman! I cannot wait to see all that God has in store for her. Here are some of my favorites from that shoot:








As you can tell, I had a very fun week with the camera! :D And with this, I must bid adieu for now!

With glitter and much love,
Sarah

Fides

Fides

Latin; trust, confidence, reliance, belief, faith.




I'm a very action-oriented person who's joy is in serving others. I take initiative when the need calls for it and will do everything in my power to complete (or help) that need. When things get out of my control and I can't help anymore, I pretty much break down inside. Feelings of failure or laziness creep into me. Failure to my community, failure to my family, failure to my friends . . . the list goes on till I become so worried that I get physically sick.

Watching that video last Wednesday, my eyes were opened and I felt such a burden leave my chest. Yes, I give everything to God, but in all honesty, I am not fully trusting Him. So in reality, I wasn't really giving Him anything at all! Unconsciously I was showing my doubt in His ability and giving into the fear that was mercilessly eating away at my soul. How God repeatedly sees us not for what we are but who will we become goes so far beyond my mere human mind.

NOTE: I am not saying that idle motion is going to get rid of the situation. God calls us to have a servant's heart. Finding discernment between our will and God's should be our goal.



If we don't trust Him with one thing, are we honestly trusting Him with everything?

Blessings and much love,
Sarah

SMS: 2010 Photography Review [Best Of]

While most of us bloggers are still dwelling on reflections of 2010, I decided to put together a year-end review for my business, Sarah Marie Studios. I know quite a few of my readers are a fan of my work so I compiled my personal favorites from the 2010 shooting season. Without further adieu, here are my picks from 2010:

2010: Reflections of A Girl In An Hourglass

I didn't have time to post my 2010 re-cap note before the year was out but who said it had to be in by then? Ha!

Greetings, 2011! Please, stay awhile.

God has blessed me with the opportunity of being able to travel. Most of my life was never at one place. I have always felt like a wanderer. I know what it is like to constantly search for something--to watch from the outside of a glass window as everyone else goes about their normal lives on the other side. I have always felt like I'm looking in. However, from this unusual life experience has come many blessings. I have been able to meet people from all walks of life and have been able to hear their stories. I have witnessed the immediate aftermath of Hurricane Katrina along the coast, from New Orelands to Biloxi, MS. I have seen the beautiful Niagra Falls and have visited the slums of Juarez, Mexico as I taught vacation bible school to the children there and drew murals on the new community building. I've laughed at the ridiculous cost of a Starbucks in Ontario, Canda. I've experienced first-hand pain and disaster and I've experienced the birth of seemingly impossible new mornings that follow. I've cried with people as they've shared about their families being swept away into the sea from their home by floodwaters, I've laughed alongside the little children and I have rejoiced with those who have overcome a vast array of trials, both little and small.

I'm not afraid to hold a conversation with any type of person and I love to love on people. To those of you that know me, I love spreading color and cheer wherever I go.

I'm not trying to boast. I'm sharing how thankful I am. I'm so delighted I think I could burst!

God really showed me over the past holiday season how much my different life is really what I've always needed/wanted all along! I mean, I've always been thankful and have loved my life but sometimes I have my doubts. This year I really learned the importance of being still in the midst of calamity.

2010 was yet another year of learning about myself, my relationship with my Heavenly Father, friendships, my family, and this world we live in. Isn't it great to learn? I've learned so much in the areas of mercy, grace, and love that yet it still makes me laugh when I realize that I haven't even really touched the tip of the iceberg.

As I stood in my hourglass this past year, God really revealed it to me that I need to stop focusing on the sand raining down on me, but instead changing my focus to what has yet to be done. How can I live to better glorify Him? How can I best love my enemies? Etc.

Now I'm going to share some of the best of 2010! All of these are in no order.

10 People I Met For The First Time:
* Joy (Spring Break in Texas)
* Kale (Cleanplace Moot Writer's Conference)
* Justin (Cleanplace Moot Writer's Conference)
* Danielle (UoA Spring Fling)
* Anna (UoA Spring Fling)
* Hannah T (Homeschool Group)
* Yessica (College Group)
* Kristin (Cleanplace Moot Writer's Conference)
* Niri (Cleanplace Moot Writer's Conference)
* Cheryl (Cleanplace Moot Writer's Conference)

10 Best Events of 2010
* Spring Break with Joy, Mary, Mercy, Mary, and Flynn.
* Spending the entire month of June in Texas.
* FINALLY seeing The Nutcracker ballet. (Of course, the fact that, Hannah, one of my favorite dancers was dancing made it TWICE as awesome.)
* Laying out in the backyard where I house sit with Seriah, cuddled together, on the grass, with tons of blankets (it was freezing cold!) on us while we watched the spectacular meteor shower till the wee hours. And of course, Beau, the shitzu, licking our faces and flopping down on top of us. Haha.)
* Watching the lunar eclipse with my family while Stephen played worship songs.
* Spring Fling 2010 = best college carnival ever.
* Tron midnight showing with AJ, Seriah, Tim, Wayne, Stephen, and Megan and in 3D! BOOYAH!
* The 2010 Ignition Fashion Show and being selected to model Forever21!
* Cleanplace Moot 2010.
* RAGE Rock Music Festival in Phoenix, Arizona.

10 Best Moments of 2010
* The looks on Mary and Mercy's faces when I showed up at their front door unexpected (they didn't even know I was in the state) this past summer bearing cards and red hair. Classic.
* Playing Freeze at Moot. Oh my word, I will never think of that game the same way again.
* Being able to spend a lot of time with Any/Annie and do a lot of talking at Moot.
* Watching anime with Any and Nikki at Moot. Then of course singing with Becca as Mary accompanied us on the piano, as well as the dance with Bree, Daer, Legolas, and Dolphin.
* Getting to know my roomates, Cheryl and Niri a lot better at Moot! They are lovely women. =)
* Calling Mary at RAGE, trying to find a quiet place to tell her that the men of Me In Motion remembered her and said hello. Then Mary's shocked self afterwards.
* Pestering Becca at all hours with texting since she was without internet, she returned the favor. Haha.(We still do!)
* Having long conversations with Mary H in the middle of the night about life and stuff. I miss being able to do that. GAH. I just miss Texas period!
* Chillin' with Kalin. Going out to dinner at Pizza Hut by ourselves. I think that was one of those times that it really hit me that we were growing up.
* Taking Mary, Mercy, Spencer, and Flynn out for sushi. Their first time. That seriously is going to be one of my fondest memories for life now. Hahaha. Spencer was eating it like Gollum. . .and I basically made the deal that I wouldn't tell them what it all was till they ate it.

10 Songs/Pieces that were the Most Special to Me in 2010:
* "Tokyo" by Charmaine.
* "Believe" by Since October.
* "Fighting Furies" by Charmaine.
* "A Perfect Voice" by The Classic Crime.
* "Saving Josh" by Trevor Morris
* "Undone" by FFH.
* "Beautiful Ending" by BarlowGirl.
* "Dear X" by Disciple.
* "Deliver Us" by Ofra Haza [Prince of Egypt Soundtrack].
* "Awake and Alive" by Skillet.

10 Great Books I Read in 2010
* The Book Thief by Markus Zusak (ahh, couldn't sleep! Had to read all night!)
* Uglies by Scott Westerfield (I assure you, you will never think of beauty the same way again.)
* span style="font-style:italic;">Artemis Fowl by Eoin Colfer (Best YA book I've read in a long time. Very developed and enjoyable.)
* Relentless by Robin Parrish (Seriously one of the best speculative fiction I've read.)
* The Hunger Games by Susanne Collins (One of my favorites of all time now.)
* The Pawn by Steven James (Love this guy. First.)
* "The Rook" by Steven James (Second book and just as great as the first.)
* Boneman's Daughters by Ted Dekker (I will never look at the middle east in the same way ever again.)
* Tsubasa by CLAMP [manga artist/publishing group] (Beautiful work and not just the art. The characters each are so different, believable, and charming.)
* A Little Princess by Frances Hodgson Burnett [reread] (Ah, it was nice to read my favorite tale yet again. Never gets old.)

10 Things I Learned in 2010
* Patience. (I have had such an issue with this over the years)
* There are times when you cannot do anymore. You need to let go and pray that, that person will make the best choices.
* Perfection is unknowable. Perfection is unachievable and yet, true 'perfection' is right in front of you and you've been to busy or loud to notice.
* Sleep is important.
* Love isn't fair. True love is an honest pain, pain that is necessary for us to honestly comprehend it.
* I hate measures and meters in music. I seriously lack the mathematical patience. (Yes Becca, you may laugh.)
* While what we do defines us, how we rise to the occasion after the fall is what completes that definition.
* To be still. In a blink this life is over and we get so wrapped up that we miss it.
* My Meyer-Brigg's Personality type. (Haha.)
* Sometimes you need to let go of things to take care of one of the most important responsibilities: your family. Even if it hurts to let go or give things up.

10 of the the Best Photographic Memories of 2010

Taking the Burklins out for sushi over Spring Break. It was fun.



Me, Kalin, and Meagan at the Tyler mall. That's when a fifteen year old came up and asked me to prom.



Finally getting my senior photos done. This was in March and I wanted Mary included in my shots.



Every movie has to have badguys...



Freeze is a very fun game if played with a bunch of writers.



2010 Ignition Fashion Show: I got to model Forever21! (one of my favorite lines)



Let this be a lesson to you all. You DO NOT put The Twins together. Scary things happen.



Me and the lovely ladies I grew up with who still remain my dear friends, even since I've moved away.



Me and Annie on a walk during Moot 2010. Fun times and a dear woman! I really enjoyed her company.



All of the Sara[h]'s at the 2010 Cleanplace "Moot".

11 Goals for 2011
* Read 250 novels.
* Go to Japan finally.
* Spread more color and cheer.
* Get in a healthy weight range and fight diabetes.
* Finally get this driving thing finished.
* Finish the front-end work on my car.
* Road trip with some friends.
* Never loose who I am in this smoke and mirrors world.
* Glorify my Savior in everything that I do.
* Go on another mission trip and/or serve my community in Jesus' name.
* Learn many new things, and be reminded of things that I need reminded for if the need calls.

May 2011 bring you many new adventures in Jesus Christ!

Love,
Sarah

Honestly

If you don't see the real me, you won't see what mercy's done
If you don't see my weakness, you won't see what love has won
If you don't see the distance, from the darkness to the sun
you wont see, honestly.

Those are lyrics from VOTA's song Honestly. It is a beautiful song that totally peels back the layers of the listener's soul; teaching us a fact or two about ourselves. What are we keeping bottled up? What masks are we wearing?

As I listened to it, I felt my layers being pulled away. All of it. I know that sounds extremely weird, but this is a beauty of art. It effects each and every one of us differently. Different mediums, different artists, different themes, different viewer/listeners. I'm artsy myself, so my mind does like to see things even weirder generally.

While I was listening I felt myself break down. I didn't cry, but I felt really exposed, if that makes sense. God really showed me two things I need to be honest with myself about and honest with those who care for my well being.

One: I am struggling with hate.

Over this past summer I've had two instances where I have been betrayed. This isn't the first time I've been betrayed, but it was really personal this time because the persons involved really acted like they cared about me, my family, and what went on in our lives. One of these instances especially hurt because said persons got close to my family, their only intent of using information gathered (mainly from my father's business) against us to profit themselves. I was physically sick after finding out. What made it worse is that I was out of town in Houston for business with my father, so I couldn't be with my family. It stabbed my family more that the people from both instances went to our church. People we thought we could trust and in the end, we have been made out as the bad people here and everyday I am in a battle with my flesh to not lose my temper. To treat my enemies in love like God commanded us.

I walk into church every Saturday night having to face them and myself. To resist the urge to want to yell at them (I know, very mature), to stand there and proclaim all the wrongs they did to us because no one has either heard our side of the story, or they don't care to because said people are very respected.

I'm not trying to sound melodramatic. I'm not trying to seek attention here. I'm merely being honest, because I feel that I need to. Its not fair that I keep my flaws hidden from the world, or that I not allow those who care for me to help me because of my pride or fear.

It's hard, because I try to do as God commands and treat people with love. Because, I do believe love is and always will be the answer to a multitude of problems. Unconditional love. Love free of biased views, hate, hidden agendas, etc. Free love.

What do I gain by hating someone other than injuring my spirit and my internal body by the harmful adrenaline (designed as a natural survival instinct, whereas too much is harmful) that my anger creates? To smile and say a kind word, or to think kind thoughts to the person is the most powerful and beneficial thing one could do. But this is where sin is allowed in. This is where our flesh, that vapory voice whispers in your ear that it is okay. An eye for an eye, right?

A dear friend said once, "You can't truly treat others in love if you don't have love inside you." Talk about hitting the mark! I didn't tell her till months later how much that quote has really stuck with me since. Every time I start to feel that hate build up again, God always, without fail, pops that quote into my head, like a huge red WARNING sign.

So yes, hate was allowed into my heart like a silent disease and I have fought it since. But you know what? Along with that hate, God gave me a way out: a chance to grow from this. A chance to embrace love and use it's humble power. Sure, life is tough, but in the end, what did you take away from that experience? How did you react, and in the end, how did you respond later? Now this lasts a lifetime.



Two: I am struggling with self-esteem/appearance.

I don't want this confused with self-worth. Please. That is not what I am struggling with.

I've been realizing lately that I've developed a fear of looking at myself in the mirror outside of putting make-up on (of which, I'll address in a little bit). Its not that I don't feel beautiful, because I know that I am; God made me that way. I feel gross and disgusting. My weight is out of control and I feel ashamed at myself. I feel don't like going out at times after I see myself in the mirror. Never have I been a fan of much snack or junk food, nor do I spend my days sitting around like people are quick to assume. My problem is that I enjoy good food (mainly breads) and I tend to eat when I'm stressed if I don't watch myself. I envy my siblings who have a high metabolism, though I never have really let them know that.

I maintained a weight of 170 for a good two years and then when I tried to lose weight starting back in June, it decided to plummet upwards. When I weighed myself the other day and got 200 I just broke down and sobbed. Its not like I'm super obese or have flabby fat, but I'm at the point where I need to decide to get my life in order. I'm trying though, so I suppose that counts, right?

Secondly, diabetes runs in my family, among other things. If I don't get my weight in order there is a strong possibility I will acquire these diseases. Outside of weight/food issues, I am a pretty healthy person. I only get sick three times (at most) a year, generally two. I'm a clean and tidy person and I always have hand sanitizer and a first aid kit in my purse.


So mainly, I feel ashamed. I don't feel like I'm not beautiful, just . . . embarrassed. I don't want to be stick-thin or anything. I just want to be a healthy weight.

As for make-up. Most days I don't wear any, but there are times where I like to have some fun and wear some. Make-up to me is yet another medium for my art. I've worn long and glittery eyelashes, bold and bright colors of eye-shadows, designs drawn on my face, etc. I do not believe one needs make up to be beautiful. It is an art form.

One more thing I need to bring up. Last week I mentioned that I did something "daring." Indeed I did. Allow me to explain:

I love my long hair. I feel like an elvish princess with it and I love having people brush and play with it. However, I also used my hair as a security shield if need be. Days when I wasn't feeling great in the confidence department I could leave it down and significantly minimize the view around me. I'm not saying EVERY day I had my hair down I was having a bad day (I love the feel of hair on my back) but it was always an option. Days when I felt like I could take on the world I could pull my hair completely back. Sometimes I'd even cheat on drama performances and leave it down and be able to avoid seeing the audience, especially if I had a bad week or needed to eliminate distractions. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE to perform in front of people, but sometimes one just feels overwhelmed.

(DISCLAIMER: I am not stating having long hair is a bad thing. I LOVE long hair. This is just personal notes from my experience(s))

So, when mom presented the idea of getting something done with my hair last week, I decided to step out on the track of an emotional roller coaster and do it.




The result? My "anime" hair as my siblings call it. It is so light and easier to brush and it really does remind me of an anime character. I just wanted something a reasonable length with some body to it with layers. I love the layers on my new hairstyle and how I cannot hide my face anymore.

It took only fifteen minutes and the entire time I fought off tears. But you know what? Hair grows back (mine grows really fast, actually) and I think it was about time for a change.


Let the light escape
From these holes inside my soul
When I start to break
Then grace begins to flow
Let the light escape
From this wounded place inside my soul
Honestly

Much love,
Mir/Sarah